Social Anxiety.

I can't help but feel a sudden pleasant discomfort when you show a sign of interaction or genuine interest. And I am often saddened at the thought of knowing you have already instinctively agreed in any social situation you would be interested in me...
and you told me in an instant glance, when you glared at me...
But you're just walking by... and I'm just another face you see to be a part of a tiny figment that may remain in your memory. If it's even a possibility...
With me also being a non-being... I've automatically rejected the possibility of anything happening between us. And it really depresses me... as I should be smiling at the opportunity of you complimenting me...
Because I never seek the company of others...
Although, I secretly am in desperate need to be in the company of a lover...
Any woman's interest is a constant reminder of what I 'could' have... and what I know I want... and what you know I need...
but you're also the cause of the loneliness that has kept me hidden from the earth and kept me sacred to remain beneath the surface...
It hurts to constantly receive a reminder of my dire need of love to love you, or to be loved. Especially someone as beautiful as you...

So many beautiful things....



and...

Honestly, I'm not selfish. I'm just usually dealing with my self shit by dealing with what I'm dealt with...
and I can't usually help but feel helpless.

I write to much but don't post enough...
To many posts, unposted...
To many posts, posted...
To many posts, unoticed...

They are only meant to be noticed for those who notice...