In Case I Actually Get Her (Well, Isn't This Awkward... )

"I had a dream that you were once you. But it was just a dream. Similar to you…"

Let's start this blog post off by quoting myself, whilst in deep thought...

I love Kieran more than words can express, and our togetherness will continue to be expressed. And I truly mean that in the most heterosexual way ever...
I don't believe I can ever have a deeper connection with anyone else. Although, the one I have with "her" at the moment, is currently super stellar. She doesn't know about it yet, or know just how important the existence of our relationship actually is... but, hopefully she will/won't in time. We're in a "Complicated" relationship. Infact, there is no relationship. Which justifies just how complicated it really is. But I do hope she knows she has a boyfriend... lol
I've been committed ever since I first layed eyes on her...

But the closeness and great understanding of eachother, that me and Kieran share, leaves others to question our sexuality, despite us both being in two seperate relationships with two different females. Infact, I'm not sure who's relationship is the most realest. I'll have to ask the woman I speak of in this blog...
I mean, do I dare say anything? Or do I just pretend as if I have nothing to say at all?

It's hard for me to pretend as if you've never liked me. And it's a shame most romantic antics will be sadly mistaken, and used as an excuse to accuse me further for insanity behaviour...

I don't have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that triggers any kind of "stalker-ish" behaviour. I ONLY get emotionally attached. That's definitely a HUGE difference between the two...
Actually, you know what... let me quote something I retweeted a few days ago on twitter, for this is VERY true...

"You’re really special if an #Aquarius actually becomes emotionally attached to you, for they don’t do this often"

Take a look at my sign and tell me different. Infact, take a look at all the signs I have given and tell me different...
You can't tell me that I get "obsessive". If so, you're clearly misreading the signs, or not understanding the purpose of my birth...
But... it's ok, I'm not expecting you to understand this neither, cause I don't even fully understand it either... lol

But... "In Case It Doesn't Work Out" ... I'll seriously consider therapy for this unidentified feeling.

I am mentally unstable. I honestly can't cope with myself, or either at the thoughts of you.
I'm hoping you will cope with me? But I don't even know how to react to your beauty anymore...
I am lusting for love, and your love awaits to be lusted. I awake with the insatiable thirst for both, and you're never there to provide either...

I feel like I have to keep my identity secret, because I'm afraid to even reveal it. But then how can you even seriously consider concealing the feelings of someone who has no meaning?

I've been in this state for months. It's not depression (?) ... it's something else. Depression is the question I no longer even begin to question...
I would like to think I'm no longer depressed. I genuinely don't believe that I am anymore...
I had been for years, and was struggling so much, but... this is different.
I believe, I am in love.
Or am I fooling myself, again?

I am foolish enough to already be fully committed to you. Am I a fool for falling in love with you? I think I know why fools fall in love. Love is apparently for fools... But I'd rather be a fool in love with this foolish love, than not (feel) love at all, like a fool...

Apparently, the worst thing that could happen is you could only say "No"...
I don't think anyone fully understands the mass effect your decision could ultimately have on me.

The worst thing that could happen is you may misunderstand this message and truthfully, miss the true serenity of it all... Which terrifies me...

But we're attached to their beauty and intelligence...
So who's attached to the strings?
Us...
Men...
Puppets...
We become so tangled in our own strings that we forget how to move. We become paralyzed and find it hard to deal with our own emotions. They're being controlled by somebody else. Or is it unfair to accuse someone of being responsible for creating such physical/emotional attachments that we unhelpfully develop?
But despite the pain and suffering us humans put ourselves through, we must also realise there would be no progression without women. Neither would this earth still turn...
There is no future without her...
"Her" being who ever she is to you.
A Goddess, creating birth to a reminder of what's to live for; life...

Take this song as a just in case...

"Maybe its what time demands
But youre a star; you hear what the sky demands
Sometimes you only shine at a glance
But if I had a chance I would dance right where you stand
Even though you shine bright enough to blind any man"



"Spend my days, spend my nights, spend my time thinking of you...
In my face, in my lights, in my mind... do you think of me too?"

You see the problem with overthinking is you create solutions for the good or the bad. And I thought this whole thing through, and the only thought that I had was you.
So if we end up together, or you end up getting a restraining order... Um I really meant it...
And I dont wanna make things awkward when I see you, so... umm... yeah.
Awkwaaard... haha
Fuck it though, I got it off my chest...

~JapanIsSega~