Casper's Haunted Heart (A Ghost's Desire)
But I envy her beauty for every other woman. And I pray that every other woman is her, but it’s obvious no one can be, but I just constantly crave to see her face, and wish to see her smile, so I hope that every woman I physically see from a distance turns out to be her, only to be disappointed when I find out they’re not. So I continue to wonder and wish, dreaming over a distant star in search for her appearance to appear somewhere near…
I purposefully wear her bobble around my wrist as a signature, or a friendship bracelet that defines our relationship, but it’s not used as a fashion statement, it’s simply a confession/expression of my love for her.
I’m ecstatic that I’ve found a new kind of fondness. And my silly smile, let’s everyone know about it. And what I love about this girl inparticular, is what I don’t particularly love about me. But it’s funny how you find love within yourself, through someone else…
And what I mean by that line is… Despite her appearance, she’s the female replica version of me. Quiet and shy. But that’s just a defensive disguise…
And I remember when Reagan used to remain in the back of my mind, haunting and taunting my every thought, making me feel bad for reciprocating such nostalgic feelings towards futuristic possibilties with another woman. If I was possibly lucky enough…
And I used to wonder, does Reagan envy our every glance? Or perhaps feels threatended by an uncertain replacement?… I can only hope. Cause the other girl I speak of in this blog is all I now hope for… And she knows it too.
But I was told I can’t fall “in love” with someone I don’t know. Which affected me enough to keep me quiet for a while…
It was requested, “for other people sake keep it private and don’t blog about it or put it online.” And to meet her personal requirement, I had to seriously consider retirement. Because it’s (as I expected) “strange” from an outsiders point of view…
So I temporarily changed the URL of my blog for safety reasons, (mainly yours. You. The viewer/reader…) because certain people I didn’t expect to be reading or want to be reading my blog, had been reading…
(So waves hi to the people who I know are reading…)
And someone told me… “Anybody that tells you how you should perceive love is still struggling with their view of it. Falling in love isn’t easy that’s what makes it so inexplainable. We all look for different things in a significant other and we are all built differently. So the way you fall in love is your way, no others. You might have similar views as somebody else, but it works like a thumb and a fingerprint.”
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And I no longer have to even speak on that matter.
Even the most simplist of things that may not mean anything at all to her, I treasure and cherish deeply. It’s not possessive. Not to say I have an obsession for her possessions, but for me, it’s the only thing I have of her, so I hold it closely. And she should be proud she holds a special place in my heart…
Her astro-like eyes are missed, and my stained pillows that are cemented with her scent, await/anticipate her next visit.
But here I go continueing to say the right things at the wrong time. But who’s to say when the right time’s right? It’s just time… and I fear I’m losing it. So I’m quick to say something stupid like “I miss you”. And I hate saying that, cause you never say it back…
So, I’m starting to think I’m losing it. lol
But you can’t tell me that, none of this even exists. Or that lustful look of desire in your eyes wern’t real. And it was all just an illusion just to fuck with my head… You can’t tell me that. Not after… you know. And ONLY you know…
I have more to say, but I’ll save it for later… Or not.
“You know I’m already sure people are gon’ say what they’re gon’ say
Their gon’ laugh at me, they’ll say I’m crazy, Their gon’ say I’ll never get you
I feel it, but you know what else I feel?
I feel like, I feel like I work really hard, at being a really good person
And I feel like I deserve somebody like you…”
~thefriendlyghost~
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