An Aquarian's Thoughts On Romance (Water Lovers)

Publicly humiliated, and as wrong as it may have appeared to be, how could it ever be wrong when we were never officially together?  So how could I say anything? Or is this just another deception of mine, avoiding any possible realism of reality, and simultaneously defending her almost effortlessly? A fine act of fallacy. Frozen in a mirage state. Call it spontaneous love. An idea that was simply placed to gain or maintain full control over me. Only for you to steal my dreams away from me... and leave me to try and find a steady balance to fall in-between the two. And the thread I'm holding onto, is gradually getting thinner with each cut. Inception much?

I never expected the outcome, but I can't say I was surprised. I've been rotating around in this incomplete circle my whole life. Just a constant repeated cycle, remaining on the receiving end of things, accepting whatever punishment you wish to all banish me with. I think it's time to go back in time to square one...

I accidentally cried in-front of a few in work about this whole situation, which quickly forced me to walk out in embarrassment to hide my shame, but such destain eventually became my face. And I only have myself to blame. I was incredibly foolish to believe she was mine. But she was... in my mind, which was enough to be justified as the perfect crime to my third eye.

It's not my fault, you make me realise all of my strengths and all of my weaknesses.
I'm full of faults, while you're just perfect. Why is that I even try to deserve you? I act like I'm so strong, but it's all just pretend. Still, I want to protect you.
I feel as though you could understand me, and I could understand you. But how could you understand? I'm a fucking Aquarian. Arguably the most misunderstood sign in the Zodiac...
But the thought of you with someone else is unbareable, and I have no right to behave in this jealous rage, but do they love everything about you like I do? They can't love you, only I can. And I'll miss you so much that I'll want you to the point that I need you.

And I don't have to use any big fancy words to make this seem more poetic than it already is, as long as it has meaning, there's nothing deeper. But what does any of this meaning mean to her?

I'm not a writer, or a poet. You're reading what's just merely tran-scripted thoughts from the mind of a simple natural human being. I am a loner, and I don't feel too alone about it either. Because I know I'm not the only one. There are many of us, secretly hiding among society. So no matter how sad I am, or as happy as I may seem... I'll be okay.
Yet... I want new friends, a new family, a new home, a new emotion, a new life, a new world, a new universe, a new space, a new kind of freedom. A new... me.
And only the old me can create this new change. But please, let me keep this newest love... for old memories sake, to make new ones with our new friends, new family, new home, new life, new world, new universe, new space and our new kind of freedom that we can harvest together with this new me you have birthed to life.

I can't figure what kind of figure I will have in the future. But I'm a figure to most when I'm being played with...
...until I become a broken toy. And left with a heart formed in the shape of a question mark...

"Hey, question mark man, riddle me this..."

I like the world I live in. But which one do I speak of?

Wondering who would want to know...

As the light dimmers, darkness enters. But I refuse to commit to a relationship with suicide. Even if I do think of her all the time...
I have so much more to say, as always... but my lips are staying zipped.
I'll return to blogging when she's mine. And if she's never mine, then I'll never return to blogging...

It's that serious. Consider me to be a retired actor or witness/experience the breakthrough of a clown drowned in inferior facial make-up.

... the end, I guess...

*Paints on my smile and walks out on stage, to entertain an audience that's already laughing at me.*



"I can drown a lake in this pool. Tears of a clown, my make-up is through. Dreams of a clown, I'm making it through..."


- Signed; John Valentine.