the blink within.

Apparently I have such a pessimistic view on things. I prefer to consider the correct terminology to be acknowledged as realism. You really shouldn't rely on hope. Like people, it's misleading and filled with complete disappointment. Most are in-denial. In-fact, little are believable at this point. Even more believable than the height of my self-esteem. I'm full of false confidence. Yet, I bet it's hard to believe when you're reading context belonging to someone who's completely delusional, and emotionally unstable, right? I'm aware of what's in-front of me. And don't sadly mistake me for an idiot. I'm quite the opposite, but far from a genius. But probably on the verge of insanity…

I'm currently so upset, that I don't even know how to deal with all this overbearing mess. It's a handful, and I can't handle it. Hence the reason I need a hand-holder. Someone to hold onto when I'm being lured into the final depressive stages of what's left of this struggling existence. And it's unavoidable. In which I can't even capitalise, like a lower case I. All while, fighting the urge of these overwhelming attack of nostalgias that hold me at the brink of death. Which also equals death at the brink of a blink of her. And nostalgic sungasms, is the only way to xxxplain the sex i miss and wish for. I feel like I'm hyperspace jumping in and out of consciousness and losing myself in a whirlwind of thoughts, that's spiralling down with me. And I don't even need to say anything to that certain anyone, because I know it's not going to change anything for anyone. So therefore, I'm done writing publicly for now…

She's a star tonight, consistently over me and out of reach.


- from the laptop of...